and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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