its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Small penises have feelings too.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
