it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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