sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
