he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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