Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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