Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
