I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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