I just cut my nipple shaving
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
