I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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