peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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