just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
