Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
