So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
