Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
