I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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