On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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