Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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