Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
