My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
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The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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