your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
