My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
