We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just found puke in my bra..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
