Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
