you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
