and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
