yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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