If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
