AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
