I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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