Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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