sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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