i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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