so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
