In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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