Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
