How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
