Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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