Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
