I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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