It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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