Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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