At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
MIDGETS
????
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
