3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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