I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
