words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
