I want to make a zoo with you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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