OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I want to make a zoo with you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
