I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
