Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
