It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
