so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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