im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
