I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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