WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
