Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
