There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
