I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
