You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
