OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
