I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
