Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
