My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
