My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
