once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
