So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
