we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
