you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
