Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
