She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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