Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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