Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he thought i was a dude.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
