Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you win again, gameday.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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