I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I look better un-naked...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
