what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
