Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
